Some reasons why I'm a bad date
Maybe good to read at some point in some circumstances
Excerpt from “Sunday Shorts (23W18): 20230430”
I’ve had this on my mind for some time, especially after one of my friends – who was initially indecisive about wanting to date me for the sake of exploration – now claimed I was the “most datable person” at an event we went to together. I understand where he’s coming from, with the whole unknown unknowns and risk aversion thing, but the comment rubbed me the wrong way. He’s recently been a lot more absent from my life, which reminded me that I’m not a good fit for everyone, and that’s okay.
Here are some reasons why I might be bad for you:
I am incredibly annoying. I’m not kidding. This should kind of be evident from the blog, but I think a lot. Therefore I talk a lot1, and I also expect you to talk a lot [to me]. I’m also a texter, so I often will spam you with messages throughout the day of thoughts, links, and other useless memorabilia that I want to share and that I also want you to at least vaguely recall. And I might not always say it, but I will get sad if you don’t reply within a reasonable time frame2.
I’m extroverted, but I rarely go to nightclubs and am often happy working in my free time. I do quite like networking and brunches and dinner parties, though. That said, I need someone who won’t run out of “social energy” to interact with me. We don’t need to spend that much active time together, but I do enjoy passive time together (e.g. working in the same room after dinner).
I’m pretty blunt. I’ve toned down since my pubescent years, but I will express what’s on my mind to you. I also expect you to do the same for me, which might feel foreign. That said, I also don’t think very linearly (“weaponized [a.k.a. untreated] ADHD”, as my friend calls it), and I need someone whose thinking style complements3 mine. I have a lot of opinions (many weakly held) and will assert them to generate interesting conversation.
I’m not that traditional, and I’m not a big fan of arbitrary rules. I believe in being yourself from the get-go and (potentially) failing fast. I’m not interested in “slowly showing myself over time” and can be perceived as too open. I don’t think there should be any off-limit topics or a limit to how many times we see each other per week, and I’m okay with “moving quickly” or something. I also genuinely want to stay friends no matter what – even if we separate – barring extreme circumstances. That also means I’m (often close) platonic friends with my exes.
I’m kind of traditional. I only really want to date monogamously and seriously. I’m too decisive to play games. I’m also too old to waste time. If there’s no one else, I might temporarily be okay with something casual, but I will constantly complain about how stupid I think short-term or commitment-less relationships are.
I can’t be bothered to act very emotionally, so I have quite stable relationships – romantic or not – with people. I can imagine that gets boring? On that note, I will not create unnecessary conflict, but I also will not avoid necessary conflict.
I want kids. Ideally three, but that number is fungible as long as we remain in the natural numbers defined the correct way (with positive integers, of course), ideally starting from the first prime number 🙂
I have my sad moments. I didn’t grow up with sunshine and rainbows. I also don’t want to pretend or be fake.
I have my stoned teenage girl moments where I giggle uncontrollably and laugh at my own dad jokes.
I’m kinda, like, masculine? I don’t usually wear makeup, and I’m kind of a gym bro (who sucks4 at lifting). I like to be low-maintenance, and I drink Huel.
I’m pretty affectionate and also enjoy receiving reciprocal affection. By affection, I mean verbal, physical, and emotional.
Idk, I sweat more than normal while doing cardio? My period lasts for seven days? I’m pretty (physically) touchy-feely and also want someone equally as touchy-feely? I sing spontaneously? I don’t wear deodorant?
I eat cucumbers banana style. Apparently that’s a distinguishing characteristic of a person? So much so that it’s featured in this animated clip of SBF at 0:27…
I’m weird.
Not a Don’t Date Me Doc. Just some shower thoughts…
Medium high, like 85th percentile maybe?
It depends on the person, but anywhere ranging between 2 hours to 24 hours on a normal day.
There are many ways of being complementary, though!
Although at my peak, I could do around 8 pull ups and a 400+ pound (185 kg) hip thrust!