Feedback, having “enough” friends, and anti-wokeness
Sunday Shorts (25W3): 20250119
I didn’t write or consume much this week since it was chaotic. I got a glimpse at this professor’s calendar, and it was so well organized with his life stuff as well. I will fix mine after posting this…
Things I’ve consumed
I read this ACX blog about national IQ estimates and this blog on the same topic. I’ve been enjoying tacit knowledge videos and also generally find this list of the best textbooks on every subject useful. On that note, LessWrong has somehow led me back to one of my ex’s favorite YouTube channels.1 YouTube recommended this speech by Steve Jobs, and I was surprised about his attitude towards death which resonates with mine.
Things I did
I procrastinated on doing things I should do by redesigning the Eleven logo. There are so many small decisions, and I’m not sure which are important.2 I suppose this is why you get a bunch of people for A/B testing. An actual designer can figure out the spacing and sizing and stuff, but this was the gist of what I wanted, kinda. Actually, in general I thought about Eleven this week (even more than usual). I think I’ve finally nailed what needs to be in the first iteration.
I was talking with my best friend and did way too much prompt engineering xD But we discovered some interesting trends, so it was time well spent (as always!!).
Feedback is only useful in aggregate
I have an Admonymous profile where you can send me anonymous feedback (or messages). I don’t have much on there since I don’t publicize the link, and I think people who have meaningful feedback for me will tell me non-anonymously. That said, I’ve thought about the meaning of “meaningful” feedback for a while. Since I was little3, I’ve thirsted for opinions about myself.4 I thought eliciting external feedback would help me diagnose – and eventually fix – the problems in my life.
The problem was, the feedback would almost always be negative (by construction), and I would discount any positive thoughts. I had the mindset that what others said was correct, even if it sounded wrong to me. But at some point, I started getting contradictory feedback from multiple people about the same situation. That’s when I realized: (1) people can only judge you based on their own understanding of the world,5 (2) you know yourself better than anyone else knows you, and (3) most6 feedback is typically useless. That said, no one can be perfectly self-aware and it helps to have diverse perspectives, so feedback is still useful in aggregate.
“I have enough friends.”
Editor’s note: I started writing this in like 2020. I never finished it until now.
I hate it when people tell me “I have enough friends.” They usually tell me this on dating apps when I tell them “I’m only looking to be friends.” Okay, I get that you have limited time (me, too) and you’re prioritizing mating over mates. But also, it seems quite transactional. An uncharitable interpretation in my mind is, “I don’t want to spend time with you, unless I can sleep with you.” 😬 I mean, I think I can be a great friend, and a romantic connection is much more rare than platonic connections. Plus, it feels close-minded to put people and relationships into a box. Maybe I sound like a romantic…
RE: Apparently I interrogate people
I saw this Instagram Reel from etymologynerd on having better conversations where he says that good conversations have lots of doorknobs and should not contain so many questions. I think questions can be powerful, and the right questions can lead to better connection, but I agree they can be overdone.7 Anyway, the Reel concluded that the best conversations have “doorknobs”, or conversational affordances that allow an interlocutor to do something. I try to offer conversational affordances in the form of questions, disagreements (when I have an objection), thoughts, and perhaps a-tad-bit-too-personal anecdotes…but ugh. I never know what’s the best thing to do, despite my best efforts.
Relatedly, many friends ask me how I meet so many interesting people. I always respond with the same thing: everyone is interesting in some way – you just have to look for it.
Anti-wokeness movement
I’ve recently been witnessing the anti-wokeness movement. I think it started when Affirmative Action ended in the summer of 2023. From Trump’s re-election to Elon Musk’s political arc to Mark Zuckerberg’s masculine(?) era to one reason at the root of South Korea’s fertility crisis, I feel like the world is now experiencing the burst of societal anger from woke repression. Or I’ve just been listening to too much Joe Rogan… But honestly, I’m surprised the excessive policing of every thought and action has extended for so long. I think society needs some conformity towards desirable norms, but constantly walking on eggshells is definitely not the right balance.
Random thoughts
I think I make those close to me feel inadequate somehow. I’m still confused as to what exactly I do, but I’ll fix this. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’m generally8 awkward at being affectionate, both emotionally and physically. (I’m just awkward in general, too.)
On that note, I’ve been told I deliver my initial reactions and opinions too resolutely. I feel like it makes people expect that I’ll always think a particular way, which is very incorrect. I tend to want to agree with the other side during disagreements, so I actually update my beliefs fairly often.
Um, for some reason, I recently noticed that I’m able to read more Chinese characters than I remember remembering?? Also, I find it quite fun to learn to read foreign scripts. I uselessly learned to read Japanese (hiragana and katakana), Korean, Arabic (although I forgot…), Greek, and Russian. It took me ridiculously long to read the Greek and Cyrillic alphabets. Like, I would see “καλημέρα” and think “kappa-alpha-lambda-eta-mu-epsilon-rho-alpha” from math 💀. And the Cyrillic alphabet was surprisingly the hardest because it has so many letters that look like normal English letters but are completely different, like how am I supposed to see “воскресенье” and not think “BOCKPECEHbE” (lol) or “пятница” and not think “PRTHNTSA”, so I had to first learn how to temporarily unlearn English whenever I read Russian.
And on that note, I’ve been thinking about my ex’s stock portfolio back in 2015, and I really hope he has #hodl-ed for his own sake.
I think this applies to most of life.
Like, elementary school
Don’t we all?
…which is necessarily different than your understanding of the world
Except things like expert feedback, which is especially useful, e.g. tutoring, supervision, etc.
And I know not to overdo it now.
To people who aren’t my current committed partner